The battle with mental health is complex.
It’s a journey—
one I would wish upon no one.
A lot of times, you hear people say:
“We didn’t know.”
“Who would have thought?”
“There weren’t any signs.”
But oftentimes,
they knew…
and there were,
in fact,
signs.
When you are constantly being told that your feelings are too big,
or you’re being too dramatic,
or when you’re having your feelings invalidated because the situation didn’t seem as big as they’d imagined—
You stop sharing.
You stop because you hate having to explain yourself—
constantly trying to explain feelings and emotions
you don’t even know how to name.
Ones you’re not even sure
where they’re coming from,
or what’s caused them.
Our brains and our bodies are in constant fight or flight—
where something as simple as the sound of a pin drop
could be a trigger.
Yet people always expect an explanation—
a reason as to why we feel the way we do,
when we ourselves
don’t even know.
Not knowing—
I think that’s the worst of it all.
Not knowing why you feel this way.
Not knowing when it’ll get better.
Not knowing why it’s back when you thought it’d gone away.
Not knowing why why why—
Why am I this way?
Why was I cursed with a brain I cannot fix,
a heart that feels too much,
shoulders with too much to carry?
Why can I not just be normal?
It’s a journey—
that it is.
The complex battle
with mental health.